by Dawn Billings, Founder of RelationshipHelp.com
I wish I could tell you that divorces are rare, but they are not. Sometimes relationships go from wonderful to painful and hurtful before we even realize what has happened.
Let's consider 12 common reasons for divorce.
Constant Arguing and escalation - Arguing repeated and angrily tears relationships apart. Escalation into yelling arguments can become a habit, a very bad habit. In fact, escalation has been proven by relationship researchers to be one of predictors of divorce.
Money. Many couples fight over what to do about money. When we hold differing ideas about how money should be handled, it can set us up for a great deal of conflict and resentment.
Infidelity - When a partner has been unfaithful and involved in an affair it destroys the trust that used to hold a relationship together. Without trust, it is difficult to open your heart in a relationship.
Sarcastic, mean and disrespectful words - Demeaning, ugly, hurtful words poison love. For a detailed article about the devastation sarcasm can render, click on the highlighted link. If you have a tendency towards sarcasm, it is imperative that you understand how hurtful it can be for others, and how negatively it can impact your relationships with others.
Drastic changes in appearance - Yes, weight can inhibit physical attraction. To some people physical appearance is imperative to staying connected to a partner physically and emotionally. We might judge this as vain and insensitive, but if you know that your partner needs you to take care of your physical appearance and you don't, you might want to see a counselor so that you can understand why.
Abuse - When one partner hurts the other emotionally or physically on purpose. When are anger and resentment grow to the point that we consciously choose to emotionally or physically abuse the person we say we love, we know we are in real trouble.
Being unequally yoked - When partners have dramatically differing beliefs. Of course relationships depend on compromise but at some point when your spiritual, political, philosophical or basic core values are completely different it can shake the entire foundation of your marriage.
An inability to communicate - Communication can make or break a relationship. We all know this. An inability to communicate with their partner is cited as the number one reason for divorce.
Stonewalling or Withdrawing - The inability to address issues destroys love. Stonewalling or withdrawing is another proven predictor of divorce. How can you maintain and nurture a relationship if you avoid, or refuse to address inevitable relational issues that arise? If you are stonewalling or withdrawing from your partner, seek help to find healthy alternatives in communication.
Lack of Intimacy - When one partner no longer is interested in sex. People can have very different drives in their lives at different times in their lives. For most women, hormones are at the heart of a lackluster libido. In fact, hormonal imbalances are the cause of 70% of low-libido cases. Our hormones change as we age — especially during peri-menopause and menopause. Hormones are constantly changing, and when they do, your libido changes, too. If you, or your partner has lost your sexual drive or desire, go and see if your hormones are in balance. It would be tragic to lose a marriage for a hormonal imbalance.
Entitlement's wrath - Entitled feelings create misery and unhappiness. Entitled attitudes destroy connection and bonds. They cause us to lose our ability to appreciate our partner or any other valuable thing in our lives. Entitlement is a healthy, happy relationships biggest foe. Click on the highlighted link 'entitlement's wrath' to learn more about what it means to feel entitled.
Addiction and substance abuse - This goes without saying, addiction destroys lives and marriages. If your focus in on getting your next fix, you have no time or energy for anything or anyone else. If you or your partner is suffering from addiction and substance abuse GET HELP. The longer your addiction goes untreated, the more devastating the outcome will be. Here is the SAMHSA National Helpline 1-800-662-4357 Confidential free help, from public health agencies, to find substance use treatment and information. Learn more
Dawn is the author and architect of the Primary Colors Relationship Personality Tests and Insight tools, licensed and used by relationship experts nation wide and the inventor of the patented parenting tool for toddlers called CAPABLES. Dawn is also the founder of RelationshipHelp.com and creator of the comprehensive ONLINE relationship programs designed to heal and strengthen broken relationships in the comfort of your own home called RelationshipHelpAtHome.com Dawn is the executive director of the Relationship Help Resort in Arizona where she hosts private couples retreat intensives.