Updated: Mar 31
Hurting someone you love is a sad inevitability. It is not that we are bad people, or intend to hurt someone we love, it is that two very different people with different expectations is a fertile field for land mines of disappointment. Since hurting someone, either by accident, or those terrible times when you chosen to do it on purpose is inevitable, you need to understand what to do after the hurt has happened.
The next step in attempting to repair the heart of someone you love is to accept accountability, notice I didn't say responsible. By being accountable you simply don't attempt to downplay or diminish your hurt partner's feelings. Don't try to push uncomfortable situations away. They happen, handle them gracefully.
If someone you love believes that their heart is hurting and it has something to do with how they have understood, or misunderstood you, at least take the time to listen. When you realize the heart of someone you love is struggling and in pain, recognize that their feelings, while feelings and not facts, they feel real to them. Someone having hurt feelings about something does not automatically make you guilty of something. But the very fact that someone you love feels hurt should cause you to choose to stop, reflect and consider what they believe it was that hurt them. If you don't, those feelings won't heal, but instead stagnate and begin to poison the faith your partner has in the well-being of the relationship.
We can all get our backs up against a wall and not want to claim responsibility for causing someone else's feeling, that's fair. The truth is we can't CAUSE other people to feel things. It is the narrative and meaning they give to things we say and do that they use to hurt their feelings. But we can have compassion and allow our partners to realize that when they are feeling a feeling, although it may not be a fact, we can certainly take the time to listen carefully and give them the gift of allowing them the opportunity to feel heard. Feeling heard always strengthen's a person's faith in their relationship.
Here is also an article that you might enjoy: 12 Ways to Create Lasting Love
Dawn was selected as one of the nation's emerging women leaders by Oprah Magazine and The White House Project in 2008, and one of "15 Women of Achievement" by the Georgia YWCA. Dawn L. Billings is a serial entrepreneur, inventor, and author of over 15 books, and is the author and architect of the Primary Colors Personality Tests and Insight Tools.
Dawn is the executive director of the Healing Resort in Arizona, and author of the Relationship Help at Home ONLINE program. Dawn is creator of OverJOYed Life, a powerful, positive work culture initiative. Dawn is also the creator of the patented parenting tool called CAPABLES.
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