by Dawn L. Billings, founder of RelationshipHelp.com
Trustworthiness is proven over time by actions. No one is owed, or deserves to be trusted just because they feel entitled to it. Trust is earned when one's words and actions consistently align. Painful mistakes are made when people believe what people say but ignore their inconsistent actions. To be trustworthy, a person has to “walk their talk” — words and actions must be congruent and in alignment.
Trust isn't just about trusting others. It is about learning to trust yourself. You must be able to trust your perceptions that can raise red flags, and your gut that tells you "Nope, this person is not worthy of your trust. It is about learning to trust your own perceptions and paying attention to your doubts and whispers of your intuition.
Trusting one's self and listening to your inner knowing is difficult for some, especially people with strong yellow color personality tendencies because they want desperately to believe in others. They are trusting by nature and bend over backwards to make others feel valued and important. These tendencies can cause them to behave in codependent ways. When we are codependent we can trust too little or too much. We trust too little our own intuition and inner knowing, and trust too much what other people are attempting to get us to believe. Being able to trust realistically is a learning process. It requires that you learn to listen to yourself.
Your intuition is rarely, if ever wrong. When you are questioning whether or not to trust someone, move your attention inward to see what sensations you experience in their presence. Does a small warning bell go off in your head? Does your stomach tell you something? Listen. Appreciate the accuracy and dedication of your intuition.
We often want to turn off our intuition because it is tying to tell us something that we don’t want to hear. But remember that your intuition is always looking out for you. It is there for your protection, never to harm you. There is one thing that all great relationships have in common – Heart. Heart expresses itself in our lives in two primary ways; through feelings of passion and through a belief in commitment. Passion stirs us and lights a fire under our desire, but commitment tends the fire; feeds the fire; stokes the fire. Without a commitment to live and love in integrity, which we also examined in our week's lesson Keep Your Promises, the dreams of our desire can die out.
I commit to, (or I will live and love IN integrity) is the opposite of, I will try. The word try says that we will try, and if we fail, or if we succeed, at least we tried. No. You either Do or do not, there is no try! to quote Yoda from Star Wars.
Integrity and the commitment that accompanies our the words we speak say that failure is not an option. That we will persist until we accomplish that which we have committed to. In order for our relationships to thrive long term, we must commit to who we choose to be (Identity), and what we decide is important in our lives (Purpose), and then do everything in our power to live in a way that honors both.
Relationship and personality expert Dawn is the creator of the comprehensive ONLINE relationship programs called Relationship Help At Home, and is the Executive Director of the Relationship Help Resort in Arizona where she hosts private couple's retreats and marriage intensives to help people restore the love and connection in their marriages.